Wednesday, August 22, 2012

 It is enraging that women are still treated like property, and that our bodies actually belong to whatever man wants to force themselves 
on us. There is a difference between a one-night-stand regret, in which we decide to go forth with the act even though we know we'll regret it, and the rape of a drunk and vulnerable woman.

I have been raped twice. One could be considered "questionable" by the Republicans, because I gave in without a fight. But the second was definitely a rape of not only my body, but my mind, and spirit. I had been great friends with "J" for 6 months. We dated for a few weeks, and decided it would be best to be just friends, and he went back to his ex. I did not expect him to drug me when he took me dancing for my birthday. I didn't expect him to hold back my hair while I vomited, and I certainly did not expect him to push himself on me while I couldn't move, speak, or see clearly. 

I questioned myself for months about what had happened. Did I do something wrong? No, I had one drink, and went out with a safe and trusted friend. Did I give him the "wrong idea"? No, I was puking my guts out and not being very sexy or alluring. It is my fault because we had had a sexual relationship a few months prior? This was the question I struggled with, and finally decided that giving consent once doesn't give your partner blanket consent for the rest of your life.

Perhaps, if I hadn't been conditioned by society to blame myself for what happened, I would have accepted it as rape and gone to the police sooner than I did. Unfortunately, I didn't report it in time for them to do anything with the information, and he's likely attacked someone else since then (if not more, as he knew exactly what he was doing).

It's time for women to stand up and say, "it's my body, you don't have a right to it unless I give you express permission." And men need to start accepting this as a hard, cold rule.


  1. Well said, Hope. I'm sorry you went through such an awful thing. Rape is rape. I don't know why its so hard for some people to understand. We don't blame people who were mugged for the crime. Why do we blame victims of rape?

  2. Holy Crap. On behalf of all men, I am sorry. Only a crazy person could blame any part of that on the victim. I know that violence never solves violence, but I know at least one person ( He may have a stoplight tattooed on his arm) who would be happy to make sure he never does this again. This man is a jackal. A opportunistic scavenger. If you are guilty of anything, it is of not being a jaded cynic.I have not known you long, but you impress me as a strong, intelligent woman, and a great friend to someone I care about deeply. The strongest people are those that refuse to be victims. Good for you.